Lara Croft + Jason Voorhees = OTP.
Lara Croft + Jason Voorhees = OTP.
I always like to name Link something that adds a frisson to the dialogue so in this case I tried “Fuck me,” which seems to be the subtext of every conversation Link has with a female character, to use the word “conversation” generously.
This one did get a bit nonsensical at times, but it added a certain emphasis to certain moments like when I walked into the Ice Caverns and my little dipshit fairy friend said “Fuck me, it’s cold in here.”
— Zero Punctuation reviews the rerelease of Ocarina of Time
I won’t waste too much time describing the gameplay, for the same reason why I wouldn’t spend too much time describing the color of a banana.
— Zero Punctuation reviews Dragon Age
Blue-Ray.
Yahtzee demonstrates that a good horror game is one that lets your imagination do most of the scaring.
Yahtzee’s retelling of the Australian floods.
I consumed roughly my weight in chocolate and crashed like a hypothetical blow-job-powered motorbike.
— Yahtzee describes how he spent his Christmas vacation
Pyramid Head, after he totally sold out.
Yahtzee plays Dragon Age, a garden-variety Tolkien-esque fantasy RPG. And I must say, his cartoon self looks very cute with those elf ears.
Twattycake, Defender of the Innocent, protagonist of Nier.
Yahtzee plays Guitar Hero and makes a band “consisting of three me’s and one girl me.” Which makes for some alarming mental images.
Yahtzee observes that in World of Warcraft, the male orcs, trolls, and undead are all ugly twisted monstrosities, whereas the females of those species just look like busty human women with unusually-colored skin and weird teeth. He was left wondering why this might be, but I’m pretty sure I know exactly why this might be. Two words: Male Gaze.
Samus a la Zero Punctuation.
A genetically-engineered Taiwanese chef teams up with a newt in a fez to rescue his large-bosomed girlfriend from mummies.
A breast cancer specialist with large bosoms journeys through time to pay for a breast enlargement.
A race of bosom-people set out on an armada of bosoms to find a new bosom homeworld.
Bosoms, melons, milk-factories, busts, funbags, knockers, ballistics, boobies, jugs, nipples, jubblies, STONKING GREAT TITS!
— Yahtzee tries to get through the whole review of Tomb Raider Anniversary without making any mentions of female breasts. He almost makes it.
Yahtzee Top 5 and Bottom 5 of 2010: categories above, winners below.
“Making love in a chocolate eclair” sounds amazing, and the sentence “Putting your face between two massive knockers and going bbl bbl bbl” makes me dissolve into rofling every time I look at it.